


Longing

by spacejeep69



Category: Asagao Academy: Normal Boots Club
Genre: ):, Then again, also it's kind of based on a vocaloid song, also references, au where hana isn't at asagao and ian never joined hidden block, i'm the reference man, ian is lonely, when do i ever not have references?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-21 21:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11365971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacejeep69/pseuds/spacejeep69
Summary: "Even if I break, should I say that I'm lonely?But, but,It's so embarrassing if it comes off as pathetic.You surely must be hated?No, I just like being alone.But, but,Even if that's it, if I don't pretend it is,I will quickly break apart.Yeah..."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> the song this is based off of is good
> 
> look up "kaai yuki balsam" on youtube. it should be the first video to pop up.
> 
> also i actually made something that i haven't given up on!! :0

The room around him was loud. His classmates were chatting away happily, glad to have a free day off from Ms. Shizuka (she was too depressed to teach the class that day). Not a single person made an effort to talk to him, and he was oddly fine with it. He had earbuds in, so no one bothered him.

The thing was, his earbuds remained unplugged from his phone. He was quietly trying to tune out the loud squawking from classmates. He let out a small sigh, his shoulders sagging a bit. As he blinked at the blank chalkboard, someone quickly came into his field of vision. It was Jon, crowding next to Shane's desk as he watched the quiet boy draw.

Brows furrowing, Ian looked down at his desk. It was covered in slight graffiti, some names from previous third years sprawled across it in either sharpie or pen. "Danny Sexbang!" was at the top left corner in fancy handwriting, "not so grump" underneath it in nearly illegible chicken scratch. "Lucahjin" with a heart next to it was in the bottom right corner, with writing so small and faded that Ian almost couldn't read it. There was also an odd pixelated M with a pink (or was it red?) mustache in front of it. Ian didn't understand it, nor did he want to.

Ian, getting fed up with reading the odd scribbles, decided to shut his eyes as he clamped his hands together on his desk. He didn't understand why he didn't like social interaction. He didn't understand why solitude was welcome to him. As the abyss of his closed eyes became his sanctuary, he wondered why he'd turned down the offer to join Hidden Block.

* * *

 

In all reality, Ian was pretending to be confident. Pretending that it would be fine if others saw him as the lone wolf. He's been doing it for three years now. Those were the facts. Now, Ian could have decided to join Hidden Block, but he wondered what that would accomplish. Sure, they were a group of friends who loved playing video games (he also enjoyed them), but what did they mean to him? Surely not much.

Although... They had been bothering him since they'd met him last year. In fact, it was inevitable that he'd likely get asked again in the near future. They didn't give up, yet Ian wasn't necessarily stopping them. He politely always said "I'm thinking about it" or "maybe". Most, if not all of them considered in the club already, but what did it mean to him?

His confidence had gotten him far, that's for sure, but he was a bit tired of playing hard to get with them. Perhaps he should talk to one of them. But what would he say? He's lonely? He wants a friend? The stoic, resident kuudere of the school, suddenly wanting friends? Pathetic. He quickly thought against it.

And yet... the feeling remained. He wanted to be free of the idea of loneliness, but his apathy and pride would not allow it.

The bell rung. Students trickled out of the class, leaving Ian there, alone. He suddenly wasn't in the mood for food. He opened his eyes, blinking as he realized Shizuka was watching him. She squinted at him, but said nothing as she pulled out her lunch and began to eat.

He could feel his shoulders tense up. He slipped his hands off of the desk and onto his knees, glaring at Shizuka's desk like a wounded animal. He felt like his breathing was getting erratic, loud enough for Shizuka to hear (and be disgusted). His teeth clenched together almost painfully.

"Ian, are you alright?" Despite her gentle tone, Ian jumped and banged his hands on the bottom of his desk, shoulders bunching up around his neck as he stopped glaring and looked fearfully upwards at his teacher. Her expression changed from confusion to agitation to amusement to sadness within the span of two seconds.

"You seem lonely. Don't you want to be out there in the cafeteria with the rest of the kids?" She acted as if he was an elementary student wanting to stay inside because nobody in the class liked him. Well, she wasn't quite right, but she also wasn't completely wrong.

Her question got him thinking, though. What if he was in the Hidden Block club from the start? What if he'd readily accepted the five who wanted him so bad? But he thought being alone was for the best. It was quite odd.

"Should I ask them to be friend when I've already turned them down so often?" Shizuka's expression stayed completely blank as Ian asked. It seemed as if she knew the answer but was like an NPC from an RPG, not able to tell him anything but what she's supposed to say.

Ian gulped as he imagined himself... doing things, having fun, being... happy... He looked down at his desk again. Who the hell was Momoka?

Was he jealous? Jealous of an outgoing life that he wanted? Perhaps, but he didn't want to confirm it. He wanted to stop his current life and obtain a new one. He only wished that there was a universe where he was happy with the Hidden Block club.

Slumping his torso onto his desk and burying his head in his arms, he proceeded to cry. Ugly, heaving sobs erupted from him, and he squeezed the sleeves of the blazer he had on. He didn't want this. He didn't want to be alone! But what could he do?

He didn't even realize how long any of that lunch period had taken (or how long he was crying) because the bell suddenly rang. Stifling most of the sobs he was making, he hesitantly looked up to see that Shizuka had disappeared. He heard the classroom door open and almost immediately put his head back down, desperately trying to stop his hiccups and lengthy inhales.

"Yo Ian, are you okay?" Ian set his jaw. Of course it would be Luke.

He should really ask if he could accept the offer. But if it comes out pathetically, then wouldn't he be a loser to them? It would seem so desperate. It... wouldn't hurt to try, right? Maybe not today, but soon. He promised himself.

Ian nodded in response to Luke's question. Luke accepted the lie (with hesitation and concern), patting Ian's shoulder as he sat down in his desk and pulled out something to work on while waiting for Shizuka.

* * *

 

For a few hours, he slowly began coming back to his normal old self. Shizuka and Luke both kept an eye on him, just in case Ian burst into sobs again (or whatever Ian was laying on his desk about, in Luke's case).

With slight spite in his gaze, he watched a pair of girls leave for the restroom hooked onto each other like they were conjoined twins. He didn't understand the concept of that. Bathrooms were for relieving yourself, not whatever those girls were up to. Ian dropped it soon after, sighing for what seemed like the billionth time that day as he watched Shizuka parade around and try to teach the class about the dangers of mountain ranges and flying/wind wielding enemies.

It was finally the end of class. Ian picked up some homework sheets and put them in the folder he carried around the school with him, standing and leaving the room just a bit later than everyone else. Soon, Ian promised himself.

He just needed to stop being so fragile.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a sweet little ending i guess

It was a new day, in a new month, on a new week. Ian had spent just a little longer than a month trying to gather the courage to ask the question. Despite how much time had passed, it still felt like the same day. He wondered why, but pushed the thought away. He had more important matters to attend to.

It was finally the end of class and the moment that Ian was waiting for; a chance to ask Luke about the Hidden Block offer. His pride still convinced him that it was a bad idea, yet he ignored it to the best of his ability. He wasn't going to come off as lame, he told himself as he picked up some homework sheets and put them in his folder. He was just going to ask a simple question, and get a simple answer. It was that easy. He had nothing to worry about. Except maybe crippling rejection. But that wasn't the point, dammit.

Ian jogged to catch up to Luke, tapping him on the shoulder as he waited for Luke to turn around. Luke turned his head slightly, expecting to see PBG or someone like that. Instead he saw a clearly distraught Ian with his face buried into the folder he was holding.

"Ian, my man! What's up?" Luke turned around fully, heart leaping with joy. If this was Ian's moment of finally accepting himself as a Hidden Block member, he had better call up the boys. It was nearly time to crack open a cold one with the (hopefully) newest member of the midnight crew.

On the other hand, Ian was nearly going to hyperventilate out of nervousness and anxiety. Doubt seized him, and it wasn't letting go. He was seconds away from just running. He needed to remain cool, so he stood very still as he blankly stared at Luke's increasingly energized face.

"Luke, I'd..." He gulped thickly, his face scrunching up as he tried to start again. "I w-want to..." He bit his lip, his heart rapidly beating in his chest. Say it, you dolt! Spit it out! He screamed at himself internally.

"I wanna join Hidden Block." He said it so robotically that Luke looked heartbroken for a second before finally realizing that Ian wasn't fooling around. Ian quietly scolded himself for saying it like that.

"Wha- wait, really?" Luke's eyes widened to the size of saucers, the smile on his face growing more and more delighted. Ian nodded again, afraid to speak with the large lump in his throat. Despite Luke's smile, Ian still felt like he was lying, and only pretending to-

"YES!!" Luke's loud screech shook him out of his thoughts. Luke plucked Ian off of the ground and spun him around, hugging him tightly as he grabbed Ian's wrist and dragged him down to the Hidden Block club room. It happened so fast that Ian could barely comprehend what in the hell had just happened, or why his torso was suddenly seized with pain. During the walk there, he rapidly texted the rest of the members, calling for an emergency meeting.

It turned out that Luke forgot that they had already scheduled a meeting, so they all gave him annoyed looks when they arrived. Luke shrugged sheepishly before moving and shoving Ian into the room (gently). Ian's heart was pounding loudly as he looked around at the five pairs of eyes trained on him. He wanted to run.

"Tell them what you told me!" Luke was bouncing in place, clearly excited. The rest of Hidden Block, noticing Luke's behaviour had suddenly become curious as well, all of their expressions changing from confusion to delighted hope.

"I-I... wanted to, uh..." Ian grabbed onto one of his arms, looking at the floor as he forced himself to say it one more time. "I wanted to know if I can still join Hidden Block..." Ian breathed heavily, trying to regulate himself as loud cheers rang throughout the room. 

Ian looked around the room in shock as he was suddenly tackled in hugs from all directions. He tried to squirm away uncomfortably. It didn't work.

"We knew you'd come home to us eventually, Ian. It was only a matter of patience." Luke patted Ian's head as he smiled down as the stiff and awkwardly shaken boy.

"Welcome to Hidden Block, Ian! You're stuck with us for life!" Caddy called out happily, resting his head on Ian's shoulder. Ian shoved him off lightly. 

He felt something stir within him, like he'd been here before. He had an unknown connection with these people and he almost missed out on them. What was he thinking? He felt like an idiot for thinking that they would manipulate him. At any rate, he was... somewhat glad to be there now. Like he belonged. Perhaps his alternate universe theory was correct? At any rate, he crossed his arms in a comfortable position and smiled slightly.

"I can see that. And I can also see the mistake I've made by coming here. But you're right. It was inevitable. Now let's play some video games."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what? don't look at me like that.
> 
> i'm not good at good endings.
> 
> rip me.


End file.
